What Is It To Be Balanced?

I used to think of killing myself when times got hard. 

Now that I've given up chemical use among other vices

I think of escape in other ways

What if I was to fake my own death

pack a bag and leave the state?

Certain circumstances hold me back for now.

Am I selfish?

I've realized that I'm drawing into myself

more and more

everyday I seem a little more quiet.

I find happiness in my silence.

Others may think that I'm lackluster

but my mind is so LOUD

I don't need to impress anyone around me

they deserve nothing.

And this is where I ask the questions of balance.

I believe that I should be leading a life of love

but most of the time I feel that I'd much rather be alone.

I don't want to say goodbye because I don't care to ever see them again,

But, of course, I will.

Whether in the morning; or a day or two. 

To show a genuine interest in the lives of those around you

this seems to be a rare quality.

To love my enemies is a guideline that Jesus teaches us

but what if I don't have any enemies

Just those that I care little about.

I feel neutral about most people.

It'd be fair to say that their insults don't hurt me

and that their compliments don't raise my spirits.

Have I lost my empathy

Have I lost my mind

I don't seem to know anymore.

Balance, Balance, Balance.

I need you in my life.

God, God, God.

I need you in my life.